Children With Anxiety

Tips on relaxation and dealing effectively with fears

Parents who have children with anxiety ask does hypnosis work?

Yes, relaxation hypnosis does work with children.

Children are always in a suggestible state.There is hope.

Once you have evaluated whether your child needs medical intervention with a professional and have taken the necessary steps to ensure that your child is out of harm’s way you can then begin to teach your child relaxation techniques.

The techniques work equally well for boys and girls; for ease of readability I will refer in this article to the child as “him”.

It is best to begin when your child is already in a relaxed stress free state.

I would start by observing how he copes with anxiety.

Does he watch TV or play video games?

Is he quiet and relaxed while on a computer or prefer playing with toys that are tactile such as trucks, remote control cars or the like.

Notice how and where your child currently feels safe and approach him there.If you know your schedule permits you can plan on opening the topic about fears up.

Get all distractions out of the way and clear your schedule in order to be sure and have the time to get to some good resolution.

It may take an hour or two so plan for that. If it goes really well, and you have more time at the end of the discussion, going for some fun time together after wards is a important and will add to the trust you are developing. You being there is the most important part of this type of bonding.

Also don't use any reward time that he has earned to attempt this. This is time out of your day to totally give and serve. Don't let this cut into reward time that he earned to get to play or it will ruin the trust factor.

Let him talk about whatever is on his mind at the moment and spend time validating him to provide a sense of comfort while you spend this time together.

You might try something like:"I noticed that you are having fun and feeling safe while we are sitting here and you are playing “da da da "

Then role model your feelings of concern about his anxiety and how you feel good about him being in a safe place right now.

This teaches him it is OK to feel healthy fear.

"I feel scared about how you sometimes are afraid … it feels good just sitting here with you while we are both safe and I like that."

This will also relieve his anxiety if he thinks you may be judging him

Then let him talk or be quiet and play (this may be his way to cope).

Sometimes children with anxiety feel fear when you mention it and the idea is to let him cope and feel safe during this interaction.

Once he does this on his own while in a safe place he is learning how to deal with a small manageable dose of fear and still be in a comfort zone.

After experiencing this successfully a few times, he will have begun to build a resource in his mind that can be utilized in other ‘real world’ situations. It is a tiny foundation stone that will grow over time.

Be Aware of what happens

If he begins to process (get upset or cry ) realize that it is OK for him to react to his fear. By doing so you are demonstrating for your child how you deal with your own anxiety about his fears in a healthy way.

In this way you can be in his fear with him and let him experience a place of trust about you being OK with his feelings.

Whatever feelings they have - most kids will blame a parent for those feelings. If this happens he is trying to find a safe place to vent; try not to take anything he says personally (this is easier said than done so be patient with yourself).

Remember to forgive yourself if you fail by getting upset. Just take a deep breath and remember that it's not the only opportunity you will have to create this type of trust building interaction and know that you can try again on another day.

Get prepared:

Make sure if it goes in a direction you feel uncomfortable with that you seek out support from a local parenting coach or counselor.

It is best to have someone in mind ahead of time. Make a contact in advance, introduce your self and ask about their services. Then keep their number handy.

If things go well and you are able to do so, remain calm

(I suggest counting to 25 AFTER your child stops crying or screaming and venting...it is very important not to INTERRUPT or try to fix it …just let them FEEL..... then count to 25 as you listen to the silence. He may begin again or find a solution to whatever is troubling him).

Let him know that you are a safe place where he can come to work through his fears. Tell him you may not have all the answers but you will certainly listen. You are learning to trust that your child's feelings are OK yourself.

Children are very forgiving and I believe that it is OK to let them see the real you.

One tip I like is that when he is 'out of control' by talking back, crying or screaming ALWAYS count to 25 in your mind before you respond. Stick with I statements when you do respond.

Children with anxiety are often so scared of their own feelings of fear. When they are experience the feeling they may need a parent to just be there in it with them.

If he cries let him, pat his back and comfort him in any way you know that he will feel comforted.

If he wants space give it to him. Let him know with body language (caring look of concern not anger) that it is safe. And you are still there if he changes his mood.Safe for him to Feel. Safe to Talk. Safe to Trust.

Validate his attempts at handling his fear by zoning out on games and other stuff. Let him know that sometimes you zone out as well... Do some writing and journaling to figure out how you zone out.

Then if it goes well and he IS receptive you can let him know that although zoning out has a time and place, we must begin to tell the difference between real fear and imagined fear...count to 25.

Let him state that he has figured out that cars in the street are a real fear if you can.If he doesn't say it himself, begin talking to him about what your fears are pertaining to cars in the street.

A good way might be to pose a question "Did you notice how I handled my fear when I saw you go into the street when you were afraid of the dog that day?" his response…“ yup, you did this or that“ ..... your response is back in your feelings - remember count to 25 = Safe to Talk. you may respond with something like "yes, I was really scared that ....."

Let him tell you what he perceived you did right or wrong. Don't argue with what he thinks if you disagree just let it go --- your long term goal is to build trust..

So validate his perceptions: "Yes, it seems to you I was being mean when I yelled at you and that scared you more. No wonder its hard sometimes for you to trust that we are going to be OK. You’re really honest ... thank you." count to 25. let him talk some more.

You might ask him if he thought you handled your fear well.

What he might have done, whether it would have been the same or different and whether or not it would have been a good way to react to fear.

You might have him pretend it was his brother or sister or pet that was in the same type of danger and ask how he may have handled it.

Children with anxiety pick up labels that others may attach to their anxiety. You can even turn this around - let him know that you think he is "Courageous" (a suggestion) and that there is no such thing as courage without fear.

For example you could say..."It doesn't take much courage to eat your favorite ice cream or do things you’re not afraid of. It did take real courage though to go to school today even though your were afraid of this or that and you did it! ... I believe you have showed courage!

Ritual and Relaxation Tips for Bedtime

Begin to relax him before bed at night. Let him get comfortable, turn on some relaxing music and let him "get comfortable and relaxed and in a imaginary safe place somewhere in nature... that is a totally safe... a peaceful place.

Say:You can be there alone or have a special guide that protects you.

This guide could be a pony, a stuffed toy, a spiritual figure or whatever you like.Talk slowly in a soothing voice.

You can just say it while he is drifting off to sleep. Let your voice be quiet and comforting.Keep referring to the safe things your child clings to in stress … toys or bears, blankets, or whatever is comforting to him.Say something like … pretend you are comfortable and safe, let your toes relax...etc.

Hypnosis done by you in this manner at night for anxiety is very effective because it allows him to feel his feelings and have them validated by the person he wants to trust more then himself -you- his role model and parent.

I would not suggest doing this in a forceful way. If he says "no" or tells you to "stop making me do this" then stop right away. Give him his space immediately and just sit quietly with him if he will let you.

By listening to my free online hypnosis session you will get the idea. Take time out for a free session to experience what I am referring to.

Check out my competition as well - there’s lots of great information out there!

I feel strongly that considering the enormous amounts of negative media your child will be exposed to, it is imperative to throw in as many positive reinforcement as you can get your hands on while your child is still in your nest.

Seek out such resources and listen to them to be sure that they are relaxing to you.

Children with anxiety love to witness you reaching goals. Make it a goal to teach relaxation by role modeling it to him as often as possible. "I am going to get relaxed and read a book or listen to some music " or whatever you do to unwind.

"I'll be back in ten minutes..... now is my time to Zone".

Keep in mind he is are watching you every day and learning how to handle stress by your reactions to the stress in your life.

Some of you reading this may feel that this doesn't apply to you because you have a handle on your stresses and fears … and this may be true.

Yet a child with anxiety benefits from seeing concrete examples of how to handle stress in ways simple enough for him to put into practice.

Be aware that guilt about how you react to your child's unwillingness to be in certain situations is to be expected.

It's not easy to always have the right answers. If their anxiety has been ongoing for a while you have probably unwillingly been pulled into their drama at various times.

It is obvious that you care because you are seeking information.

If you forced your child to do something against their will in an effort to help them overcome a fear it probably did not worked. Chances are that in looking back you see that it only made things worse.

Beating yourself up about such a situation is very common. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!!! It does not accomplish anything positive.

Many parents who feel stuck by this kind of guilt try to rectify their actions by attempting to MAKE it work.

In the long run it turns into a power struggle which no one wins. Often it becomes an unending and empty road of power tripping parenting.

The way that plays out is another chapter titled "Parent confrontation day at adolescent Drug Treatment Centers".

It is extremely important to remember that there is no need to continue to feel guilty for trying.

You may have been unaware in the beginning that this condition was going to require help from someone other than yourself.

Now that you are aware of that you can begin to forgive yourself for not having all the right answers all the time.

Quite frankly no parent really does.

Just ask the children of us experts!

If my daughters would allow it, I would insert their email addresses here and they would validate this I am certain.

I believe that parenting is not a ‘one size fits all’ experience.

It is instead more like writing chapters of a book as challenges arise by staying open to new ideas and solutions that fit each child.

For every child born a new book could be written.

Some parents feel inadequate and overwhelmed which heightens the anxiety already existing in the family. So remember none of us can make the world stop turning for our children even if we long for that power.

Knowing that can sometimes help to lower your stress level.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you can benefit greatly from getting the support you need.

Seek out tips to help your child distinguish between real threats and imagined fears.

When something is new to us it is very important to simply be gentle with ourselves as we learn the new and necessary skills to create positive outcomes.

You DO deserve the extra self-care that is sometimes missing as you develop and take on more ‘response-ability’ to your child's condition.

Even if it seems impossible to fit it in, you must take care of yourself and nurture yourself with as much peace and calm as YOU can because in the long run, your child always benefits when you are stronger and more balanced in your own life.

A hypnosis session designed to let go of stress would help you as well.

Stay open to possibilities and don't be shy about seeking and asking for referrals and/or support. Check out resources that your community may offer in the way of support groups.

Parenting classes may offer solutions that you may not be aware of.

Seek out information about how best to fulfill your needs.

A powerful healing experience for children with anxiety occurs when parents learn new ways of relieving their own anxiety.

Thank you for taking time to view my site and trusting me to offer you advice for your child's well being.

Thanks for visiting and Make a great day.

Thanks for visiting and Make a great day.