If you reduce anger you will increase peace and harmony.
Why it is so important to optimum well being?
I was interested to find out if there is a correlation between our anger level and our judgment level.
This way I could tell if these reduce anger tips were worth the effort to share with you on this page.
Here is what I found out.
It is worth the effort !! Because by learning how to reduce anger we can increase our chances of getting what we really want in the end, while having the increased ability YOU have to restore a higher level of dignity to everyone involvedin the conflict.
Brain imaging studies reveal that when ever you are in a normal state of contentment and safety, your ability to make accurate judgments is at its best.
However when you encounter stress in your environment, studies reveal that it appears to lower your ability to see the big picture and according to the reseach experts, you have a lowered ability to judge situations with accuracy.
So it makes sense we should all invest in those things that will reduce anger.
When you are feeling an increase in your stress, your sense of control over your immediate surroundings goes down.
Once this occurs you experience a fight or flight syndrome in direct proportion to the level of stress that you are experiencing. This is one reason your heart starts racing and our blood starts pumping faster. The brain will then direct a releaseof harmones in order to tell your physical body to shut down in various ways... such as the rush of blood to your extremeties in order to escape threatening situations, causes less blood to be sent to digestive organs, for your long term survival.
Our bodies natural response is to send more blood to the vital organs in order to prolong life. However, in emergencies, we must put a short term hold on digestion, in order to meet the needs of survival as we run away from percieved threat. An example would be - to move out of the way of that train rolling down the tracks on a snowly day or that is to say anything that is threatening our safety.
Typically the blood will be restricted to the extremities in order to protect our vital organs. When we apply this principal to our anger we see the correlation to why our anger restricts our ability to make the best judgments.
Once our anger goes up, our body will react, by limiting the amount of blood flow to our thinking centers in the brain.
So you can see why it is important to find new ways to reduce anger.
Your brain is wired to go into the automatic nervous system mode and react with knee jerk behaviors to establish safety when ever you fee threatened in an automatic responses to the environmental stress. For the most part this is a great service mother nature provides you with.
The problem is that when you are unable to find ways to reduce anger about things that threaten you in ways that are not necessarily life threatening, you are wired to respond with snap decisions, which means your brains ability to consider long term consequences, goes down during heated moments.
So rather then thinking about the long term consequences of our actions, we may behave in ways that are out of proportion to situations, and that is when we make snap judgements that are not at all well thought out.
As our level of anger increases, our decision making and even our ability to think clearly goes down.
The problem is that the more our anger increases the more our judgement goes down and we are crippled in our ability to best handle what ever is bothering us.
The solution is to learn how we can totally take control to reduce anger and increase our good decision making ability.
With our judgment lowered, we are susptible to emotionaly explosive out bursts, which makes sense that the likelihood of making regrettable mistakes is higher.
These reasons make it understandable why we can hurt those we love most by saying something we don't really mean or do something we would not normally do.
Loss of Control ; The signs of anger may show a decrease in capacity to maintain the ability to control behavior.
You can see this in your own life on any given day regardless of how green the grass was when you woke up in the morning just hours prior to some event that may have increased you anger.
• If the situation does not get resolved, your anger increases, you may become automatically prone to be disruptive. You may yell, pound your fits on a table , or speak words of distress such as cursing in order to help you vent the internal stress.
• If something gets messed up a little bit, you get a little bit upset and maybe even behave in agitated ways. such as fidgeting, squirming, which is a natural expression from your physical body because it is going into that automatic mode of reacting in order to help you handle the situation.
• If the situation continues to irritate you, your ability to control your response lessens dramatically. That's when you find you need to meet this rising amount of physical stimulation in your body, causing you to take more actions physically so may jump up, storm out, slam a door, or kick over a chair. You are not yet out of control, but for many people, the line between barely in control and out of control is a thin one.
Understanding what causes agitation and anger will help you to be prepared to respond to these feelings, and actually lower a possible violent occurrence in advance, before something regrettable happens.
When we reduce anger our ability to have control over outcome, goes up.
Causes of Violence May Include
-Feeling that no one is listening
-Loss of power and control
The solution to learning how to help ourselves and others when we experience these states. This may be best addressed by tackling the issues head on. This ensures that the ideas in question are sought through and heard by all parties involved.
Sometimes this may be impossible; such as when dealing with an angry (irrational) road rager who is coming at you in traffic. There you would want to remove yourself and get to safety as soon as possible.
Or say for instance, an hugh oil spill in the ocean that kills off wildlife and sea life, clearly these things may have to be better left up to court systems that address such injustices.
There could be as many scenarios possible, as there are humans on the planet. This writing does not intend to address all situations. It is written to address common situations we all struggle with from time to time, when trying to deal with anger.
We can only control so much in a hostile world, so lets focus on those things we know we can truly impact in new helpful ways.
We want to start with somethings that we want to take time and effort to change, those things within our reach. Pick your battles so to speak.
In other words those things that truly matter to us.
Our immediate relationships are a great place to learn how to use some tools that will change our world for the better.
So the first thing we must learn to do in an automatic fashion is active listening. Since we have established that being heard is of utmost importance. How do you do this?
First step is to practice patience. This may not bring on a state that will automatically reduce anger, because the break through for me was reading about how it is a skill to meditate which led to my natural transference of this concept to everything I attempt to learn or relearn. I approach things from as many angels as possible to get results in making changes ... I now have the tool of approaching patience as though it were a skill, not a natural talent that some are born with, but a skill I can develope which leads to my feeings of increased hope knowing I can do it, and NOW so can you! Skill building leaves room for trial and error. Patience is a skill that is a necessary part of learning how to reduce anger.
So Remember....Give your self a break when attempting to change things. Count all changes as an effort not wasted.
So here is my take on it, hope this hleps:
Approaching things this way will give you the benefit of added clarity to resolving conflicts and discussing stressful topics.
1)In order to have the long term benefits of your ability to reduce anger, your goal is to listen without interrupting, so the person knows you are paying attention.
At this point it does not matter right now whether the person you have a conflict with is right or wrong, there is no need to correct him her or to clarify points s/he is making in order to spin it your way. Focus on the person who reports the problem,and what s/he thinks happened. It is real to her/him, let them clarify points he/she is making (typically it's a two way, so if you need some stress relief, begin to journal about what ever is bothering you, to give yourself some clarity as well, this will give you permission to take time to think about it).
2) Identify with the person is FEELING in order to reduce anger.
It is okay to identify with the persons' feeling by saying things like “ it sounds like when you had to wait for so long you felt you had been forgotten." This will help almost any reasonable person to FEEL calmer and more in control.
You may be able to deal with the situation and offer and an explanation, if an error has been made, your focus should be on how to correct the error, not get into judging your morals or the morals of the other person involved.
3) Remember to get help: this will reduce anger too.
Work as a team and partner with at least one other person when trying to diffuse anger or violence. This is essential when you already know you are dealing with a less then reasonable person. Try to set up a signal with someone you can rely on.
Be open and honest, find at least one extra person you can buddy up with to reduce anger.
Someone to rely on if you have a circumstance that has got you hooked in, such as an unhealthy relationship that you are to fearful to leave just
Sometimes this can be an employer ; you know best the corporate atmosphere of your job when it comes to support for personal issues, so you be the judge on this call.
If it is happening at work, you have an obligation to your self and your employer to make someone aware if there is a situation that could cost in productivity and personal safety of others in your organization. This is itself will reduce your own anger about the anger.
You may benefit from a partner who can make emergency calls and provide the necessary information to security, police officers, and the organizations leadership.
Practice you plan for partnering with a co worker. Especially if this is a case of a workplace violence incident. Remember if there is another person who is attempting to reduce anger, your efforts are doubled by having the support you need, so let them know to visit this page to get them on board. This way you can move towards resolution quicker and make it as smooth as possible for all parties involved.
Another way to reduce anger is to :
Take a minute to access your own stress level by considering what your own personal breaking point is when dealing with stress, and your ability to reduce anger.
Remember to whip out the text edit and do some active listening to your self by writing it out and really hearing your inner voice. I can't stress enough how good a secret this is ..really just try it when your stressed.
Take time to write it down and get added clarity before something hits. You will be in a better place to have made a decision about what actions you will take should an incidence arise. This way you may be better able to identify possible solutions while giving some consideration to your needs in advance.
You might be able to seek out solutions rather then engaging in the power struggle that could follow if you do not give adequate consideration to many sides of the problems as they arise.
Reduce anger jumpstart:
Start perfecting Active Listening
You goal is to listen without interrupting, so the person knows you are paying attention. Here is where I get to the nitty gritty of words ..Paying .... paying means giving something. In order to get something in return.
In this instance it's paying attention, in order to get through anger more quickly and with a greater ability to have a positive well thought out solution. Solutions that may come when we are not in crisis mode, are better because once again as our anger goes up our ability to make decisions goes down.
So with active listening, we are paying someone else attention, and giving them more of what they want to get to what we want....less anger and more cooperation.
It does not matter right now whether the person is right or wrong.
There is no need to correct him her or to clarify points s/he is making.
What ever the person reports as the problem is what s/he thinks happened.
It is real to her/him.
Let them vent and clarify points he/she is making as they want to express themselves.
They may come about seeing there own fault of blowing things out of portion, if given the chance, when they feel more listened to. They will become less threatened about the loss of being unheard which will lower their stress level.
Identify with the persons feelings: this will reduce anger for them.
It is okay to identify with the persons feeling by saying like “ it sounds like when you had to wait for so long, you felt you had been forgotten".
Once the person is calmer, you may be able to deal with the situation and offer and explanation.
Admit when an error has been made, your focus should be on how to correct the error.
Remember that when you listen and identify with what they are feeling you may not necessarily be agreeing with what they are saying, you are just validating how they are feeling.
When we become afraid that by listening, we are agreeing .... this is where most conversations lose the compromise factor and begin to go south.
This is why you want to become a master at reflecting feelings.
For some people mastering how to reflect feelings is a natural ability, they gained growing up, by living in households where this became a norm.
For others it is an art you must learn, it takes skill and technique. That mean there is hope, over time it can be learned.
Some techniques are listed here, the skill is acquired over time with practice. Just like shooting hoops or any other skill, the more you do it the better you get at it.
Secret techniques tip for those who struggle in order to better reduce anger:
-1 Count to 25 before you respond.
If you are told you have interrupted chill... It's okay, do not try to defend it, you are not alone....if your parents interrupted you though out your life then chances are you do this with out meaning to... just catch yourself and ....relax breath, relax..
Take a breath and say "sorry go ahead " and allow the other person to make there point completely.
After they have indicated they are done.....
Here is another place where the conversation has the potential to go south, so be ready ....
If the person you are listening to repeats themselves allow them to one time.
The third time they begin to go around in circles, simple tell them with your body language of eye contact while they speak, that you are listening and say "Please excuse me" pause then IF they allow you to :
Say "I heard you say two times that you feel...."....and count to ten while you think about how they are feeling. Try you best to let them spuuu for once.... this goes along loooong way with a reasonable person, because when they are done they may realize they owe you the same!
If they continue to speak without stopping you might try listening a third time then say "please excuse me" again slowly with low vocal tones...
"I heard you say three times you feel...." then you can engage them in a conversation that is two way where you may have an opportunity to day something along the lines of
"May I have some time to think about what you have shared and get back with you on what I am feeling about all this once I've had a minute to think about it?"
If so you have just accomplished most of the work involved in your effort to reduce anger.
You have laid a foundation for how you would like to be treated in return when you have something to bring into the dialog.
If the person you are dealing with walks out on your conversation, then let them have time to re center themselves.
Your goal here is not to win them over to your point of view, but rather to reduce anger and to let them know you heard theirs.
Often times people who bottle up feelings, get overwhelmed when they are given a chance to speak their mind about things that are bothering them.
Do not be alarmed, as a matter of fact prepare your self for this in advance, and have a back up plan such as the next step 3 listed below.
It may feel to you, as though you have lost somehow in your efforts to reduce anger and you may have, in some ways lost the battle of the moment,
but you have put in place a level of communication that is safe by letting them speak their mind, thus winning them over in the long run on compromising about meeting on a solution to the problem.
Let them go. This is what it means to give someone space. Since it is easier said then done so if at first you don't succeed try again.
If you find this very very challenging like many of you will who have landed on this page about hypnosis for anger, you can be sure you are probably a good candidate for practicing more listening skills.
Typically people who have a tuff time with giving physical space also have as much trouble giving communication space.
If you find that that is you, you have just figured out a great secret to getting more of what you want in relationships because now you know this may be an area you need to work on..
Remember to reduce anger you must be gentle with yourself so you can be gentle with others.
You do have the power to make self soothing statements to reduce anger such as
"I listened this time, I may not like what was said or how it was said but I listened better then I ever have up to this point. And that is good"
PLEEEESE GO Ahead and Practice this out loud in advance right now five times, so you will remember to try it later on in the heat of the moment when all you really want to do is place blame on the other person for having an opinion that is different or opposing yours.
Listening may feel like you lose power in the moment... that is a myth.
2-That myth probably came about from when you were a child and had no power to choose from an instance when, perhaps your parents chose for you ...
Maybe it is a false belief from childhood when your parents took things from you and made you shut up about how it may have felt back then, such as the freedom to run and play in the street when there was traffic that could harm you. Today you are grown, and today you know that listening will help you win friends and influence some of the hardest to deal with folks out there.
Listening GIVES Power. And it will reduce anger.
It Gives you the power to understand others in new ways and the ability to see things that you may not have noticed before, that will reduce anger.
Listening Gives power: and it will reduce anger.
3-Get help, work as a team and partner with at least one other person when trying to diffuse anger or violence. Practice you plan for partnering with a co workers during a workplace violence incident, so you can move into the necessary steps of intervention without question or delay. If you feel uncomfortable dealing with a situation, call for help or let someone else handle the incident if and when this occurs, serve as a support to the person who is intervening and work towards regaining control of the setting.
Beyond active listening is :
Hearing the words When you actively listen, you do more than just hear the words someone is saying. You do your best to understand the meaning behind those words. When you are actively listening, you take the time to:
Understand the meaning of the words.
Hear what is said.
Respond to what was said.
Active listening sometimes is under stated because it may seem like it is fairly simple to do.
However, for most of us with any type of anger issue it is actually a quite difficult skill to develop, and extremely important for communicating with others. If you remember to actively listen, you are taking a crucial step towards accurate communication.
Keep in mind it may be uncomfortable at first this is no reason to quit trying to perfect this art. Keep trying and don't give up when you fail, try again.
Listening is a good place to start.
Once you have refined this skill you are able to defuse and reduce anger in a whole new way.
Once YoU become a master listener others become easier to handle, and more in tune with your wants and needs because you have paved the way by getting in tune with their wants and needs first.
That builds trust. Trust is something everyone in a bit of anger is certainly hoping to get. There are many benefits to everyone one involved especially you.
***First off it gives you time to think about your inadequacies without judgment.
Allow your self areas of growth potential. you deserve to let your self be where ever you are in any given moment sometime recognizing your short comings is the first step in making positive changes. Tell yourself "its okay to not be perfect" that will reduce anger at your self.
Maybe there is some validity to some ones point and your pride is stopping you from being the giver you feel you really want to be.
***Secondly it gives you the ability to meet the needs and wants of those that matter to you most in new ways. Most importantly in many circumstances it will reduce anger.